the bad

"God save us from people who mean well."

-Vikram Seth, A Suitable Boy  

While we got a lot of great advice, some things didn't work for us. Sometimes there just isn't a "cure" for a baby who won't sleep, or for teething pain, or for postpartum depression. Although people will still suggest solutions anyway... 

The Worst Advice We Received: 

-"Sleep When He Sleeps"- We would, except that it's the only time to clean, cook, shower, and tackle that ever-growing pile of laundry.*

-"Do [Insert Thing You Love] Now, Because You Won't Get To Do It Once The Baby's Here"- It seems people take some sort of joy in saying this, because we got it all the time before Clay was born. And sure, maybe you won't see as many movies or go to as many restaurants or travel to as many places when there's a kid in the picture, but these things definitely aren't gone forever. Our life didn't end when the baby came - honestly, it got better. Clay is our favorite third wheel. 

-"Don't Carry Him So Much"- Clay has been sort of a late bloomer in terms of the physical milestones. He was late to sit and late to crawl and still doesn't show even the slightest interest in walking. But he aways gets there. The physical therapist suggested it might be a result of too much carrying. And while that definitely could be true, it just seems unlikely we'll look back some day and ever regret picking up our baby. 

-"You Just Have To Make It Through The First 3 Months"- Everyone's experience is different. And if at the end of three months you still aren't getting any sleep, this can seem like you're failing. We'd replace this advice with, "just take it one day at a time." 

-Scott & Eleanor 

*Scott wants to give this advice another try; this time just skipping cleaning, cooking, showering, and laundry. 

the good

The public becomes a wealth of information when you have a baby. Suddenly everyone - grandparents, neighbors, and childless friends alike - knows exactly the right way to get your baby to sleep through the night, and eat his greens, and wean from nursing. As new parents you'll try just about anything to get those precious eight hours of zzz's back, so we began by listening to everyone and attempting a little bit of everything. And while this first year definitely hasn't made us experts on parenting (can you ever be?), it has at least taught us some of what does and doesn't work. Here are the words of wisdom that we found actually proved wise.  

The Best Advice We Received: 

-"Do What Works"- All the books and doctors and strangers on the street (because everyone seems has parenting advice to dole out) were helpful in their own way, but this was the advice we always came back to. Like when Clay was going through a sleep regression, and we had to lug that giant Fisher Price swing into our bedroom just to get him to sleep one-hour stretches. Do whatever, whenever it works. 

-Because "This Too Shall Pass"- In the thick of the late nights and endless nursing and colicky cries it seems like it will never end, but it does. And someday, you might find yourself with an eleven-month-old wondering where all the time went and actually missing those early, early mornings. And then wanting another one...ASAP.*

-And because "You Know Your Baby"- As a new parent, you might think you understand absolutely nothing when in fact you know everything there is to know. Trust your instincts - you were made to do this.

-"Take Time For You"- You just aren't as capable of caring for a sleepy, grouchy baby if you are sleepy and grouchy yourself. And while that's admittedly much easier said than done, it's important to not forget about yourself and each other in the midst of everything else. Join a gym with a daycare. Get a babysitter. Enlist your mother-in-law. Even if it just amounts to putting on makeup or scheduling an occasional lunch date with the spouse, it can help a lot.

-"Run The Vacuum While He Naps"- Clay could sleep through an earthquake thanks to this little trick we did for the first few months after he was born. As it is, he will snooze on through dogs barking, dinner parties, music playing, and the occasional marital spat.

-"Accept Help [Advice]"- It can be overwhelming to take in all of the insight that is out there (and indeed much of it can often be discounted by the first three bits of advice). But even if all amounts simply to what-not-to-do, try to listen and keep an open mind. After all, it takes a village. That being said, come back on Friday for our post on the worst advice we received! 

-Scott & Eleanor 

*It should be noted, these are Eleanor's current feelings on the matter, not Scott's. He's still enjoying his sleep.