some days are harder than others

"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5 

I am hijacking Scott’s post today, because if I don’t say it now I might never have the guts to say it again and because of the small chance there might be someone (if only one person) out there reading this who needs to hear it. For, as I currently wade through this season of my life, the one thing I most want is just to know others have been here – and survived.

The strangest thing about postpartum depression is how it sneaks up on you in the midst of all that joy. Here, I am, experiencing the most happiness I have ever felt, more happiness than I have ever known, and yet I am also gripped in the darkest, greatest sadness I have ever faced. This makes me feel extremely guilty, which is why, until now, I haven’t revealed it to anyone save my husband. My particular case also carries with it intense anxiety, an irrational but paralyzing real fear that sometimes sends the world swimming around me, and sometimes leaves me gasping for breath, and sometimes makes me weep, and always fills my dreams.

And yet, though I am not quite there presently, I know there is a light at the end of this. This too, with help, shall pass. And it will all have been worth it (it already is) if only for the sake of this incredible joy.

-Eleanor

Note From Scott: I feel like anything I say here will pale in comparison. I'm amazed by you.